John had percussion lessons at school on Thursday mornings, early.
One such morning, I got a report that John had made poor choices during the lesson.
Because the consequence needed to be as immediate as possible,
he immediately “lost something valuable” the rest of that day.
I had swapped a few messages with his teacher to get the full story.
When John got home, we did our best version of “talking about it”.
I told him what I knew, and asked John if he had made poor choices.
He nodded yes.
I asked John if he wanted to choose or let me choose what “the valuable thing” was.
John told me to choose.
We worked on that consequence the rest of the evening.
On his way out of the door, he turned back to me,
unprompted,
and said, “sorry about percussion, Mommy”.
We again talked about how he needs to make good decisions next time.
Reliable Neural Pathway?
Every time.
That is what I want.
Not “sorry”.
He nodded.
So, this flow:
- Decision,
- Consequence,
Neural Pathway to Keep
- Plan for success next time.
No rescue.
Bet this happens again, and we shall be ready again.
I am sure we will see this “circle of life” a few more times.
Building neural pathways isn’t easy or fast.
But it does have to be steady, consistent and non-negotiable.
Special thanks to Philip Bergman, Family Literacy Network, for these concepts of the neural pathways. (The drawings are mine.)
Perhaps this might help in your world.
Peace be with us,
Gayle
“But it does have to be steady, consistent and non-negotiable”.
So true, that way the child knows not to repeat the situation. My son loves to computer time when he was in Elementary school. However, when it was time to do another lesson, he would get upset and have a meltdown. His teacher would inform me about this and we would talk about it. He also knew that there would be no computer time at home. Parents need to know how to talk to their child in regards to making poor decisions and the consequences. I like reading your post and learning. My son is 23 and still has issues about making good decisions and motivation, to finding a good job. Help!!
So true, that way the child knows not to repeat the situation. My son loves to computer time when he was in Elementary school. However, when it was time to do another lesson, he would get upset and have a meltdown. His teacher would inform me about this and we would talk about it. He also knew that there would be no computer time at home. Parents need to know how to talk to their child in regards to making poor decisions and the consequences. I like reading your post and learning. My son is 23 and still has issues about making good decisions and motivation, to finding a good job. Help!!
Sylvia, is your son prepared for a job? Does he want a job?