The back-to-school email said to “consider getting a graphing calculator as a great investment for your child”. Graphing calculators are used for advanced math. We are still working on addition and subtraction, almost a teenager. It’s hard not to feel the mom shame of where John is in math compared to his neurotypical peers.
After about a minute of despair and fear, I stepped out into the light again, reminding myself that as long as John is alive, he will be moving forward in his learning. Developmental Delay is alive and well. It is ALIVE, and the brain is still plastic. Sometimes I need reminding. His pace on his unique journey can’t be compared to any other kid. I sometimes forget this. Nor can I compare myself and my journey to anyone I see or hear about. It just doesn’t bring me peace. I have been thinking of these words: “If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. ” Desiderata, Max Ehrmann © 1927.
I have a poster of Desiderata on my bedroom wall and use it every night. Get one for you. Desiderata reminds me that I am the guiding star for my family. I am also supposed to be that support for my extended village. As much as I wish for only the “good times”, we can’t have the joys, the highs without the despairs, the lows. It’s the trudge up the hill that is the journey. It is our scars that tell our stories and encourage others around us. For my support system, I listen to the right people. I read. I pray. I forgive myself. I do my version of meditation, usually when I am alone and driving. Music sometimes helps, or I will shut it off.
When I was pregnant with John, I remember praying, asking God to “let me be relevant”.
Dummy.
It is easy for me to laugh at myself. Humor, humility, laughter have saved me in my darkest moments. I developed this game with my kids when they were sad and needed validation. I would hug them, and not let go…..not let go until they were all done being sad and had moved on to laughing. The oxytocin from the long hug (which kind of turns into wrasseling) brings connectedness.
Try some variations with your family. I hope it serves you. Peace be with us all.
Gayle
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