We are all doing our best to help the right things flourish, to communicate and then hold the right boundaries.

It is easy to get distracted. Life is a slippery slope of choices.

Things may be doing well, everyone playing nicely together, making good choices…..

then something happens, and things go downhill fast.

How do we help model and teach self-control, emotional equilibrium and self-regulation?

Ever hear: “Don’t worry that the kids aren’t listening. Worry that they are always watching.” (Robert Fulghum, “All I Really Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarten“)

So, evidently, I teach by what I do.

I should pay attention to good choices (flowers). I should do my best to ignore relatively-harmless choices that get under my skin (weeds).

(If it were a toxic, life-threatening weed, that would be a different response.)

I do ask John why he is humming or stimming. I try very hard not to bring shame into the conversation.

I try very hard to name the weed with respectful words and tone of voice. And then with the same tone and respect, set the boundaries for this weedful choice.

For example,

“That’s called stimming, and you can do that in your room”

or

“that’s called playing with your privates, and you can also do that in your room”.

With everyone under your roof under foot, and useful, novel distractions more than six feet away, our patience is evermore necessary.

We use a written paper list every day. Or I should say, “on every good day”.

I just say, “How’s that list coming?” and then bite my tongue on nagging.

I am not going to get anyone to do any good habit because I nag them.

Nor have I ever made someone do something they didn’t want to do.

If I stay mindful: What he can choose that will make his life better in the long term … then that is what I need to do.

This also works for my personal self-regulation. I have often found myself going around in circles, getting nothing accomplished.

I surely need to make better choices as soon as I realize my frustration.

You know ….. stuff I learned in kindergarten.

May we all find peace.

Gayle