It does have its risks, doesn’t it?
Overhead map of his trek between the house and the school bus stop
Letting go, trusting that things will work out safely enough.
Today, I let John walk ahead of me on the walk to the bus.
I kept lagging further and further behind.
With my mouth shut.
He eventually looked back.
I sort of motioned-mouthed, “Do you want to go on by yourself?”
He gave a very slow, very small nod of his head, turned forward and walked on.
I stopped.
Before he moved out of sight, around the corner, he looked back.
I give a tiny wave of my hand.
He waved back and kept walking.
I will see him next after school at the house.
Via the bus.
(Days later)
Mom is backward-chaining her lurking in the bushes also : ) I let our awesome bus driver see me, as he is an ally in helping John toward independence. Don’t want him to think I am cavalier about this.
We have now racked up four mornings of ever-stretching-further success.
He is about 95% independent getting from the house to the bus in the morning.
It seems harder to be independent in the morning.
About to disappear. Top right corner.
Easier to be independent getting off the bus and walking home.
(Makes me wonder if it matters who walks away from whom and when, right?
When he springs out of the car to head into Sunday school, he has grown to zero anxiety.
Maybe that will happen for school, as he practices more.)
So back to the school morning: As he walked out of sight, he gave me a backward glance and a wave.
I swear I could see him grinning.
We have been practicing for this with the dog
and with the bus this year
and by backward chaining last year.
And by life in general, me walking away from him.
It’s always about building strengths and accepting risks.
Take baby steps, and practice failing safely.
Next project: Time awareness to get out of the house 100% independently.
We have mostly used a Time Timer.
Since he is constantly negotiating for a phone,
he gets to prove he can use that phone also for self-regulation via the timer function.
And at the same time, not fall prey to the lure of constant games.
I found a wrist watch for him with both an analog and digital face, with a stop watch function.
Lots to practice with, and see which he relates best with.
This morning, I tried to keep my words positive, “Faster, your time is running out”.
Rather than “Hurry!”, nagging, etc.
He scooted out the front door this Friday morning on the way to the bus.
Solo.
No Mom.
A quick look, but no invitation to come along.
I lurked far far behind, out of sight.
But, I did let him glimpse me twice along the journey.
A last “support” that will fade next week.
So, maybe this can encourage you to keep stretching your kids in every direction,
failing safely, with fading prompts and supports.
They so want to be independent.
It’s how they build self-esteem.
Peace be with us,
Gayle
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