Posted on

Will I Corrupt The Boundaries?

Will I Allow My Child to Regress in Hard-Won Behavior Boundaries?

by

Today, so far, John has decided to make a string of personal decisions that brings me to my knees.

Then (with the help of the angels), I decided to look at it all a different way.2016-02-13 08.43.14-12016-02-13 10.34.16-1

What if he is once again testing whether I love him enough to hold my ground?

Believe in him enough to remain emotionally calm but consistent in our rules together?

So I tell him I am very sad he is wasting his time.

And that he can earn back his ________ (not sure what your word is—-for John, the word is electronics) when his list is done.

(We had already made this list together, and he had read it out-loud.)

He wants privacy, so he moves to the stairway.

OK with me.

I am busy enough doing my part—emotionally calm, consistent, as full of hope and joy as possible.

Maybe this can encourage you, so that you know you aren’t alone.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

Posted on

Valentines and Talking to Myself

What I Do Because It is For My Friends

by

Do your kids have something/anything they love to do?

For John, it is anything about his friends.   Valentines

So, here is the Valentines project.

He had picked Super Heroes, because of the strong.

Two classrooms, lots of kids’ names on that sheet of paper.

He told me a lot, with his out-loud thinking:  which kids he liked the best, little things he would chatter about that don’t come out as expressive speech when I ask him questions.

He was “in the flow”, laughing, dropping his pencil, asking himself (out loud!) where his pencil went? and then saying, “good question!”

His writing was pretty good at the beginning.

Mom goofed by putting teachers on the bottom of the list.

So they got the worst of the penmanship.

If you can call it that.

And I “let” him put the little nuggets in the correct bag, which was a motor-planning thing.

So, when you find things that turns your kids’ joy on, hang around and listen.

I learned a lot.   Love it when they are happy.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

Posted on

Metronome It, for Brain-Sensory Integration

Steady Beat, Please

by

Scott Theirl, DC, DACNB, (Functional Approaches to Increase Brain Cell to Cell Communication) recently shared his ideas on using a metronome to help kids.

He said to let a child do things while keeping a slow steady beat (ideally <60).

2016-01-19 13.07.29

The 60 setting means 1 beat a second.

He suggested start at 60 and move to a lower/slower number.metronome

Slower is better.  Slower is harder.  Slower takes more concentration.

There are many free metronome apps.

We are now using a slow steady beat to dribble a basketball, whack on a drum or xylophone, toss a ball into the air (or up the stairs and let it roll back down).

Jumping rope or jumping on a trampoline (really hard at a slow steady beat).

Tap a finger, clap hands, crossing mid-line, at a slow steady, self-aware pace.

In the car, outside, when a child is bored, during a meal (make it a game, right?)

Slower the better.   It will help build purposeful dendrites and help with whole-body sensory integration.

Thanks, Dr. Theirl.

Beats be with us,

Gayle

basketball

Posted on

Leap-Frog the Problem

Sometimes I ignore it if I can

by

OptimismBiasThis morning was unexpectedly rough.

“The Optimism Bias”, Sharot (2011), says our brains are wired to be irrationally positive.

So, I expected things to go as happily planned.

But everyone started making bad choices.

John.  The dog.  And even Mom.

And things went downhill fast, but there wasn’t time to fritter away.

I learned the hard way that it is better to lead from the front (looking back over my shoulder) than (to try to) push forward from the back.

Sometimes I have to by-pass my son flopped on the floor and the dog who won’t do what he is supposed to do.

Leap-frog them.  In every way.

You see, I have an injury trying to heal, and over-using that arm/shoulder isn’t helping.

But I got mad, and, well, you know how that goes.   My demise.

I re-injured myself.Leap Frog

So, see if this helps in your house:  Roll around the roadblocks, and see if anyone follows you.

(I am lucky this works at my house.)

But it does take more time.  And Mom can’t be in a hurry.

Because it’s called auditory processing disorder.     Not “warp-speed”.

(It is also called “very very stubborn”, but that’s another story.)

Peace to us all,

Gayle

 

Posted on

Roll Over

Rethinking how I communicate with son, via Anat Baniel

by

Tonight, I was trying to gIMG_7471et John through the bedtime prep rituals, including trans-dermal vitamins.

I said, “Roll over”.  (Surely I said “please”.  Can’t remember.)

I was thinking like the past, “like a log”.

I needed to to squirt the vitamins on his stomach, not his back.  It is his job to rub them in.

John did roll, in a completely new way: a forward roll like in gymnastics.

I have been reading Anat Baniel’s book, “Kids Beyond Limits” and trying to re-train myself on new ways.   Anat Baniel Kids Without Limits

By minimizing praise and not bossing him around, not distracting him from any and all variations his brain and body are trying, moving in new ways is supposed to “just happen”.

It worked.

And all I was supposed to say was, “you rolled over in a new way”, celebrating inside but not on the outside.

Great book.  A must-read, and I hope it helps your world.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

Posted on

Even If You Are Sick,

No hitting anything, and something to learn.

by

Today, John has a lingering temperature.

Still, he pushes and tests the boundaries we have together.Fever HomeworkThumb

He doesn’t act sick when he tests boundaries.  I guess he forgets.

He hits the dog (a little hit, looks at me and smirks).

More than once.

So we work up to 5+5+5+5=20 minutes.

Timeouts in the bathroom.

Opiate on the mantel.

(I try not to have feelings about this intervention.  Just consistency.)Opiate Mantel Thumb

Still, today is the most important day of his learning.

Boundaries, consequences and consistency.

Same daily lessons for Mom.

Some days, I hate consistency.

Peace be with us.

Gayle

 

 

Posted on

Can’t Argue with the List

& Zero tolerance on whacking anyone or anything

by

Argue ListSometimes our kids hit.  Us.  A sibling.  The dog.

(Or is this just at my house?)

Last night was very sad this way.  Homework was involved.  Everyone ended up crying.

John ended his evening in a long time-out in the bathroom while Mom put her heart back together.

Today, I shared the deep & wide wisdom of Rosemary Slade, O.T.R.  We came up with this plan, and maybe it could help you at your house.

  • John and I made an actual paper list of homework items to be done.
  • John’s job was to independently mark off each item when completed.
  • So when John took a whack at the dog, 5 minutes timeout in the bathroom.  (No Mom words. Just into the time-out bathroom and loop the doorknob such that his little nose sticks out and 1 eye can see.   Good location so Mom can do her stuff while the phone timer runs out within eye-shot of John.)
  • Next time the poor dog got a whack, 5+5 minutes.
  • Zero tolerance on hitting anything or anyone.
  • Make the consequences hit the soft underbelly of all-things-electronic.
  • No hitting.  No yelling.  From anyone.

Things went quite well the first night, as we built the habits.

Now I have to be consistent.

Maybe this intervention can help at your home.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

Posted on

We Are Just Going To Stand Here Until . . .

A re-direct to try when you need a good choice

by

Just Stand HereWhen John doesn’t want to make a good choice (at home or out in public), it has worked astonishingly well for Mom to say, “We are just going to stand here until you are ready to . . . . . . . ”

And we just stand there.

In the bathroom, in the parking lot, going up the stairs at church, in the grocery story, wherever.

We usually are still for about 4.5 seconds, and then his wanting to move gets bigger than his stubborn.

It is a little miracle.

I share it with you.   Maybe it can be a little miracle with your young ones.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

 

Posted on

Closer, Closer to the Flame

You Can Improve Auditory Processing and Sensory Hearing

by

There was a time this would NEVER have happened.

But we have practiced and have earned the neural pathways to allow for this exploration in the dentist office.closer to the flame

You know this noise: the loud, whining, grinding, hair-raising screech.

So, curious, nervous, drawing closer to his brother and closer to the enemy.

Noise is the enemy.

The weapon of (slow) victory is practice of interventions building new neural pathways to carry the processing load.

Believe in interventions, believe in practice with your kids, believe in pushing sensory boundaries.

Peace to with us,

Gayle

Posted on

Evil Secret Weapon

Choices Too Loud for Even the Bathroom

by

With all our vacation “teachable moments in the bathroom” (because I was mortified by John’s bad choices in front of my extended family), quite by chance I found an ideal motivator.blow dryer

Extrinsic. Not intrinsic. But still dirty pool.

I just held up the blow dryer.

“Do you want to _______ or help me with this blow dryer?”

It was instant compliance.   With no effort or persuasion needed.

Maybe this evil idea could help you.  If you are OK with the dark side of it all.

Some days are just a bit more desperate.

Peace be with us.

Gayle

Posted on

I Hate Opening Birthday Presents

So Mom just saved them and put them under the tree. And waited.

by

Getting John in and out of birthday parties has gotten easier over the years, but getting John to open his actual birthday presents has been bloody murder.2016-01-02 13.41.39-1

So, this year when John just couldn’t be bothered to open gifts in August, I set them aside and later put them under the Christmas tree.

Not yet any thank-you notes, didn’t re-wrap anything.

Just stuck them under the tree.

(This was in my recent fortune cookie:  “If you put up with small annoyances, you will gain great results.”)

So this Christmas, John got into ripping off some paper.  Finally, on his 9th Christmas.

I took photos to prove it, cause I wasn’t believing it.

John hit his limit about half way through, so the rest of the gifts are still stuck under the tree.

Wanted to let you know that you aren’t alone in waiting for what should come so easily.

So we wait.  But we keep working on neural pathways, always.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

Posted on

Scared of Star Wars

But Mom Pinned Me Down

by

2015-12-29 21.27.25-1John avoids new movies of any kind.

Especially scary, loud, sensory ones.

Each new movie into his acceptance is major effort.  I have to pin him down—make him sit with me.

Eventually, he gets comfortable with it.

So, Star Wars is here, right?  During the holiday vacation at my sister’s house, we made the commitment on the Star Wars series.

A nightly family ruckus of pin-John-down-and-make-him-watch-a-Star-Wars-movie.

Each movie got a little less like a wrestling match.

I don’t know how much of the story line his brain was absorbing.

From a sensory standpoint, it was progress for sure.

We turned on captions/subtitles, and that helped everybody.

Not ready for the big theater yet.  Something to look forward to, some day.

Just surviving the family-viewing sofa was victory for now.

May the Force be with us.

Gayle

Posted on

My Eyes Don’t Match My Ears – Data Out of Sync

So Build a Bridge--Turn Captions / Subtitles ON!

by

Eyes Dont Match EarsWhen we are overwhelmed, we turn away, don’t we?

So do our kids.

This link to a study by Vanderbilt University shows how the ears and eyes don’t get their information to the brain for processing at the same time—-for those with learning differences:

http://video.dailymail.co.uk/video/1418450360/2014/01/1418450360_3055499925001_8.mp4

Explains why our kids can’t look at us when they are processing the audio stream of instructions.  All these words we throw at them, full of our expectation for immediate action, and they have a full-time job of trying to fulfill it.

And we want them to look at us also, as their eyes give their brains out-of-sync data?

So, if you have a heavy cognitive load processing in the best case, and your eyes betray your mission, who would want to look?

The good news is that our brains are able to build new neural pathways with practice.   Not easy, but as long as we are alive, the brain can do its magic.

So, build a bridge!   This season has a lot of watching media.  When I turn on the subtitles / captions, my son pays attention in a completely better way.  His brain can better blend all the streams of data, and figure out what is going on.  He stays glued, not turning away.

So we keep practicing.   So can you, and turning on captions / subtitles may really help.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

 

 

Posted on

The Angry Room

(and the rest of the house is Happy)

by

Some days are just hard.  John tests my boundaries all the time.

This morning, instead of “lovely, peaceful, almost-Christmas”, it apparently is

The Angry room

“I-am-gonna-fight-TouchMath-and-hit-Mom-and-fight-TouchMath-more-so-she-puts-me-in-time-out”.

I do my best to turn off my emotions.

Once again, this sign gets marked on the bathroom floor at the doorway.

I hold my ground.

It’s the only way John is going to have a good adult life.

Whatever it takes for him to become a Jedi master of self-awareness and self-control.

The Force has a long, long, long way to go here.

May the Force always be with us.

So, my dear fellow parents, set those boundaries so that you can live with them (for all your reasons).

Hold your ground.  Your child will believe you.

Eventually.

Do it because you love them that much.

Gayle

 

Posted on

Rubbing It In, On The Floor

(but 1 more thing is 1 thing too much, Mom)

by

Trans-dermal vitamins are rubbed in, absorbed through the skin (here you see 2 white and 1 red trans-dermals).

Transdermals

John gets to do this himself, crossing mid-line (both north/south and east/west).   If Mom rubs them in, John’s mid-line crossover misses out.

There also is no benefit if John rubs them into his clothes, sofa, pillow or rug.

One evening, John flopped down on the floor and refused to budge.

So, I squirted the 3 vitamins onto his tummy, while he was on his back, back-talking.   And I told him to “rub”.

Round and round, up and down, back and forth.  Crossing mid-line as much as possible.

So, now that method is his favorite way.

TransdermalDistractions

(There is a second lesson here, for Mom.  When I was trying to get the photo you see here of his tummy, he didn’t want to cooperate.   It took longer than I had expected, and the skillet full of cooking veggies burned.   You see here my plan for a healthy pile of food instead on its way down the drain because Mom just had to fit 1 more thing into a busy morning.   Instead of veggies gently sautéed in coconut oil, John had to eat french fries with his eggs.   No time to start the veggies over.)

Will Mom ever learn?

Peace be with us,

Gayle

 

Posted on

Ugly Work Erased

It's called "Self-Directed Learning", even when it is ugly.

by

John’s incoming homework, “Weekly Work Study Homework #13” (pr, sh, th, pl) was done badly at first.   Ugly Work Erased 1

I told John it was “ugly”, erased it, and left it for John to re-do. (Also, note the highlighting to help him match pieces together, and I will fade this prompt ASAP——this tip from Alma Liotta, O.T.R.)

I was in the opposite corner of the house, he had willingly turned off the computer (but I did ask him to), worked on the homework by himself, (I did ask him to “make his teacher happy”) and brought it upstairs to show me when he was done.

I then added more demands & more work to it, and John then brought it back up to me after that.

This is John’s first  self-directed homework, and I didn’t hover or micro-manage him.

It still isn’t good, and there is always more to do.

Still, a victory, for what it is.

We have been inching toward this, and so can you.

Motivation is a complex thing, and the magic is when someone triggers self-directed intrinsic motivation:  because they want to, and would do it again when no one is looking (or hovering).  It is a lifelong tool.

So important to anyone still breathing.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

Posted on

Power of Peers

(Assuming that is what motivates your child)

by

Peer modeling is HUGE for and to my son.   IMG_6620

Like this, at basketball. Those are mouth protectors going in.  (John is on the left).   Putting that cold hard chunk of plastic in his mouth is not anything John would be interested in, if it were just he and Mom hanging out.

Like cleaning the car windows with the squeegee at the gas station (it was more like making a big mess, but never mind that) because his friend Zeb did it first.   And John just had to man up.

Try this with your children—give them time to watch their peers, and then ask if “they want to try that”.   Whatever “that” is.

And respect the answer.   Take heart:  if not now, maybe soon.

Peace to us,

Gayle

Posted on

Adding More Minutes

3 Years of Misery in the Grocery Store

by

2015-11-17 19.30.48It was miserable in the grocery store with my son.

I didn’t look anyone in the eye.

I attended to his re-directs, and that’s about it.

I think I got most of the purchases I was aiming for—-very hard to concentrate on my business with him on the warpath.   In a public place.

I even got whacked.

Instead of amping up, I cheerfully (was I really cheerful?) added 10 more reading minutes with each blatant, little-boy-smirking act of rebellion.

I think I kept pretty cool, I am happy to share.

By the time we wheeled out, seemingly three years later, he had “earned” 50 minutes of reading to get through before anything electrical was going down.

I think it made a profound impression—-at least, I surely hope so.   Only time will tell.

We then made it through some cool books, and he was actually proud of his reading.  He even wanted to sit on my lap and doodle.

He has never doodled before.

So, maybe this intervention might work with your adventures.

Peace be to us,

Gayle

Posted on

Reading the Dictionary

"I chose a book with no pictures---that makes me a big kid!"

by

2015-11-02 16.46.12Maybe someday it will be a Harry Potter novel.  But for now, for the required daily reading, John picked his new dictionary, given to him by the school.

(May be he was faking it.  Then I would give him points for cognitive manipulation.) 

There is lots of cool information in there, before and after all the A-Z.  John was reading aloud the presidents’ names.

To encourage you to read daily with your child!

I say, “who is reading?”   (you or me?)

When I am the reader, I pick lyrical, beautiful lines of words and read them aloud.

I hear that (the mere) exposure of all kinds of words feed the brain, and I am banking on that!

So, we read anything at hand:  road signs, cereal boxes, the newspaper, anything.

And so I hope you and yours.

Peace be to us,

Gayle

Posted on

Top Of The Net

Encouragement to keep kids moving

by

IMG_6437_2John is in the white oval, in the gray shirt, on the top level of this platform.

On his knees.

Just like me.

After so many attempts, John finally wanted this badly enough to overcome his fear and pain.

He yelled, “I made it!”

So, keep up with gymnastics, climbing, parks, gross-motor play.

That’s how muscles get stronger, and neural pathways get made.

“Play is the work of children”, wise people say.

Peace be to us,

Gayle

Posted on

“I Am NOT Sad”

(so why are you laying that way on the sofa?)

by

He said he wasn’t sad.

I didn’t believe it.

I laid down next to him, nearly on top of him, and said (what I hoped were) comforting, validating words.Sadness

“It’s OK to be sad” kind of stuff.

Within a minute, he was up and on to the next thing.

Not sad anymore.

I will always believe it is because he felt validated.

Just like in the movie, “Inside Out”, when Sadness validated and built resilience.

Peace be to us,

Gayle

Posted on

Want It My Way!

Levels of Independence vs. Assistance

by

2015-11-02 16.51.01John in the red/blue shirts.2015-10-14 18.05.09

Adamant he wanted to wait OUT THERE.

On the parking lot side of the glass wall, with Mom inside the building.

He was proud he was out there, not needing anything.

What if he was sick and tired of always being told what to do and how to do it?

Secretly dreaming of ever-greater independence.

A balance of frightening risk and intrinsic reward, right?

Every day, I really try to give John more rope.

And rope begets more rope.

Peace be to you, little John the rebel.

Thanks to Alma Liotta, O.T.R., for the (hierarchy) Levels of Assistance (added graphics by me, courtesy of PowerPoint clip art).Levels of Assistance

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted on

Wait—Right Here—Don’t Move.

by

2015-10-13 18.27.51 Not a runner.

But we have practiced.

Each time, with a longer piece of rope.  An imaginary tether.   And, a watchful eye.

But tonight, John (in the turquoise shirt) said he wanted to wait “right here” while I went back to the car to get a stupid coupon.

Also, I admit that I constantly make changes to what John thinks he is going to do.

Anyway, I decided to trust him in that little island of pavement while I scurried many cars away in the parking lot.

It worked out OK.  2015-10-13 18.28.00

So, I hope this helps you with something else to try—to practice a tether of independence for your child.

Not that you needed something else to do.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

Posted on

Plan B May Be Better

by

Plan A Plan B BalanceJohn was mad because I was making him do his daily reading homework.  In the car as we were driving.

The window was partially open.

Not sure he really meant to let it fly, but the book was gone.  I couldn’t exactly see his face, but I think he was actually surprised his book disappeared.

First time he has chucked anything out the window.

So, he lost gymnastics Fun Friday Night as a natural consequence.  (He would have lost Wii Sports and Nintendo DS, but those were already gone because he was pinching his friends in specials.)

Then, something completely unplanned happened.

John’s teenager sibling wanted to watch Singing in the Rain because his high school was performing it the next day and we had tickets.

The two kids ended up snuggled together on the sofa.  John started laughing at the “Make ’em Laugh” genius of Donald O’Connor.  Then John tried toSinging in the Rain tap dance. First time.

Also first time he had ever paid any attention to a non-animated movie.

So, try this movie at your home.  There is a lot to engage a child with learning differences.  (Speech therapy, mid-line crossover, and lots of physical therapy with tap shoes on.)

Like for me, maybe Plan B will be better than whatever your Plan A was.

I know I can get overly focused on fulfilling the interventions.

Oops–lost my personal joy along the way.  Missing the important “in-the-moment” stuff that can happen.

“Bad choice, Mommy”, because joy is important too.

Your joy.  Your child’s joy.

Peace to us,

Gayle

 

Posted on

So This is What Toys Are For?

by

Buying kid toys has always been a prayer of purchase – a plea to the angels that if I buy enough of the right kind of toys, John would eventually play with them.

Like other kids.

So please consider this a reason to keep stretching your child’s comfort zones with peers as models of how to play with all this stuff.

John is finally picking up a Nintendo DS, a radio-controlled car, and the Wii remote (at home and at church).

ToysToys1And hogging them.

Don’t give up!  Keep stretching our kids.

Peace be with us,

ToysGayle

Posted on

2 Steps Forward. 1 Step Back.

by

2 steps forward 1 step backIt is slow progress sometimes.  But it is still progress.

A new skill.  Joy.

A set-back.  Fear.

When I step back, way back, and look at the bigger picture, it looks like this picture.

So, I better step back.

Feed the solution–the progress, the joy.

Starve the problem—the set-back, the fear.

Maybe this will help you and your child.

Peace be with us.

Gayle

Posted on

Monkey Child and Bathroom Words

by

Recently, John has enjoyed the thrill of saying bathroom words in the wrong places, including school, to Mom’s deep chagrin.

Further, John needs practice with fine motor everything.   He pretty much hates writing (printing), let alone the approaching cursive.

So, when John repeats something over and over (I label this “monkey boy”.  To his face.), he is told he gets to say “one good sentence, then write it.”

Thus, when school behaviors show John’s “bad choices” (a phrase I use every time it applies), out comes the paper and pencil with grip.2015-10-02 12.18.17-1

Ten…..oops..…nine good written sentences.  In this case, “Wee wee is a bathroom word.”  

Then a personal hand-delivery to his teacher with a verbal apology.

Special thanks to Alma Liotta, OTR, for this paper to best help John write less diagonally  (which I scanned and made copies of to use at home and at school).

Hope this works for you and yours.

Peace to us,

Gayle

Posted on

Blowing

by

Candles 4 Times 1 Candles 4 times 2Every year, birthdays have been a torture.  John never wanted to unwrap anything, blow out anything, or sing anything.

So, to encourage you to persevere with your interventions, 9 was our magic number.

Wanted to sing (joyously).  Wanted to blow out the candles (over and over.  We lit them 4 times.)

John was huffing and puffing so hard, moving his head more than he was moving his lungs.

Almost caught his hair on fire (more than once).

Wouldn’t eat the cake (no sugar, so no loss there), and we didn’t bother to wrap the gifts!

So forget the wrapping.  Just get candles & matches.  We even used the left-over cake from Saxton’s birthday. (Mom dug it out of the freezer—we had low expectations.)

There was spit and wax everywhere.   It was glorious.

So, never give up.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

Posted on

Where Are My Teeth?

by

John brushes his teeth by moving his body—NOT the brush.brushing teeth

To know where the brush is, it’s a 2-fisted grip.

He moves his whole body to find the brush.  The brush just stands there.

He is very good at chewing the brush.  That is mastered.  It is utterly pulverized.

Ah, but actually using the bristles?  Not yet.

Maybe some day.

How does tooth brushing, with all that oral defensiveness, work at your house?

Peace be with us,

Gayle

Posted on

Are My Lips Moving?

by

2015-09-06 10.14.33I am watching John read, 20-minutes a day, required homework:

I see his lips move, his finger move (tracking the words in the line), and then I see him swallow.  When he swallows, he stops moving his lips and finger temporarily.  Then, back to things moving.

So, it would seem, his moving parts are really part of his reading process.  He’s not reading completely in his head, statue-like.  He’s got body parts involved in his reading.    So, try letting your children move (anything, really) when they read.

Sometimes I hear him talking to himself.   (Not that long ago, John had no words we all could hear.  Now he’s talking to himself.)

Please let this encourage you, to keep stretching and challenging your smaller loved ones.

Try uphone timersing the timer on your phone.   When John cheats on his reading (and he does!), I stop the timer and call him on it.  He hates that.

It turns out turning on and off the phone timer is a big-deal tool for John to self-regulate himself.  It’s free, and he is in charge of running it.

Maybe these ideas will help you.

Peace be with us,

Gayle