Want a low-cost, vital and urgent Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) intervention YOU can do with your kids?
You have to do your chores anyway, right?
What we have to do on our list can become a valuable teaching moment to our kids.
It’s not sexy or glamorous. It’s drudgery and boring.
But vital for their tomorrows.
Responsibility. Ownership.
And if we frame it wisely, we can direct toward intrinsic motivation.
(Extrinsic motivation (bribery, fear, threats) isn’t the goal.)
Social example: John has a kid-directed ensemble audition for the school Talent Show coming, with a group of friends.
We (my son and I) will drop off the props, and my role as adult instigator will be over.
Off he goes, and back he comes. Errands into the depths of a large store.
John will write note in his calendar to get to the school office after choir for those props.
And we will have rehearsed beforehand. (“modeling”)
What matters most is that he made the effort at the opportunity.
John gets a lot of opportunity (my job, for the present time).
Soon enough, creating those opportunities will be his job.
I always hope he is enriched in some way at each opportunity.
Like when we shop, and I send him off on errands into the bowels of the store (photo).
Like the times I send John out into the neighborhood to walk the dog (photo).
But don’t do it like this:
It was Christmas Day morning.
I didn’t know he had already practiced with big brother a circular route home.
I was waiting for a boomerang return, the same way he went out.
John came home with the dog via a loop, and I never saw him.
Eventually, I freaked out.
First time I have ever called 911.
Getting Spike in and out of the vet.
The constables were on it, very diligent. Amazing for Christmas Day morning.
Mom (still in her pajamas running through the neighborhood) deserved the constable home visit with gentle chastisement.
Other examples: How about school prep: Lunchbox and backpack?
Returning shopping carts and learning parking lot risks?
We have practiced behavior expectations and exit etiquette.
Being responsible for holding on to personal stuff.
Ownership: Sometimes, when we are doing our school morning routine,
John’s focus will drift away, mesmerized by something “shiny”.
Or he will stim (for him, a monotone hum), off-task.
Today, I found myself saying,
“When you are done stimming, we can go”
This I have also said while driving (so then I pull over until…..)
He gets to help. Always.
Hopefully we are also learning time urgency,
because he thinks he will be missing out on something valuable
or he just hates to stand still, or his brain runs off on the wrong neural pathways
and we have to re-focus.
We may not realize it, but we are helping our kids build neural pathways for their futures.
We can’t rescue them in the long-term.
I might rescue for today, but that only feeds my agenda of guilt and fear.
I want to feed his agenda of independence, resilience and self-esteem.
Peace be with us,
Gayle
The first time I sent John off into the neighborhood with the dog, Mom assumed the return route.
Spike is headed for his makeover. Mom is a chicken to cut his fingernails.
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