Category Archives: Behavior Interventions Based on Intrinsic Motivation

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Sure, It Takes Longer When He Does It Himself

(Nonetheless: Back Off, Mom)

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Clean Pile

Recently, we started getting ready for a 5-day-4-night-gone-from-home camp.

Who’s in charge of packing?

Is it who can wait the longer?

We worked together on the gathering.

A big pile, pretty much what was on the packing list given to us.

Then he decided which shirts, shorts, and other stuff he preferred.

We used the process of elimination.

“Do you want this shirt or that shirt?”, etc.

Loading it all in the truck

Mom then capitulated, and was the one who wrote his name on everything.

We stuffed it all into the suitcase, plastic bag and backpack.

As a team.

And we talked about each thing he was taking.

He liked that he was getting a reprieve from taking nutritional supplements

and could eat anything he wanted.

He gets that freedom of choice each school day in the lunch room also.

When the time came to leave, he hauled all his gear out to the car,

opened the car with the keys, and

pretty much wallowed everything into the trunk.

Mom didn’t touch anything.

En route, he got free-roaming opportunity after lunch before the 90-minute drive to camp.

Practicing freedom to stretch his soul and his legs.

Six Days Later:

The pile was back, smelling a little worse.

Yes, Mom could have cleaned it up.

This dirty stuff doesn’t belong on the floor.

And John would have learned nothing.

Dirty Pile

Big brother Saxton gave John the laundry lesson.

Mom kept her big mouth zipped.

Later, the boys moved the wet clean stuff into the dryer.

So far, it is all still in the dryer.

Dry, but still there.

That’s now on his list for tomorrow.

Oh yes, we got back on the list the day he returned.

He expected it.

And he was overall pretty proud of himself.

The way it should be.

Hope this helps a bit in your world.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

 

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Intrinsic Motivation for Creating Time Urgency

Can My Child Move Faster Because He Wants To?

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Off-trail short cut through Ms. Debbie’s yard

If Mom nags, it doesn’t count.

Mom better zip it.

But it does count if my child decides to move faster because he wants to.

Time Timer

So we have backward chained with a Time Timer and a list (both verbal and written).

And we have practiced moving faster.

Oh, but this morning, something new happened.

Yesterday morning’s Mom-prompted-“Let’s-run-we-are-late-for-the-bus”

was remembered.

Mom said nothing (victory for Mom),

John heard/thought/remembered something (hurray for whatever that was!).

And he just took off running, yelling, “we are late for the bus! Hurry, Mom!”

We have built in environmental time reminders and awareness.

Like when the earlier bus goes by, picking up older kids.

And we talk about how many minutes go by.

(Use real minutes.  Never say “5 minutes” and let it go to something longer.

We use 3 minutes when we mean 3 minutes.

We have backward chained so I can hold up 3 fingers.

He knows what that means, no matter if we are outside, inside, alone or with others.)

John is intensely intrinsically motivated NOT TO MISS the morning school bus.

And at our first corner, he chose to go off trail, taking a short cut through a neighbor’s yard.

Oh, I love it when he does anything new: problem-solving, critical-thinking, off-trail!

Not stuck in a rut.

So, once again, the issue is the joy of the child, to do what he wants to do.

And may I add, clever manipulation of that intrinsic motivation to offer choices for success.

Peace to our village,

Gayle

 

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My Shoe is in the Pool

No Rescue. Learning from Unintended Consequences.

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It was after school, after the bus, and after finding out the evening belonged to Mom.

(John prefers his dad.  I understand the emotional dynamics going on.)

John was in the back yard, horsing around with the dog.

One of his shoes was floating upside down in the water.

There were lots of things I could have done.

I chose the “turn around and walk away” option.

He did have to fetch his shoe out of the pool.

He had no other shoes.

Three other shoes were up on the roof.

That’s another story.

Anyway, if he wanted shoes in the car to go to taekwondo,

then one was going to be wet.

I did hand him a pile of napkins.

I said nothing.

If I have learned anything in all these years of interventions,

it’s that once we have backward-chained to complete a habit/neural pathway,

Mom better zip it.

No learning will be reinforced if Mom nags.

It will just be push-back.

So, back to the wet shoe in the car,

John was wiping and talking about wet.

Shall we call it sensory averse?

I was driving, smiling on the inside.

Whatever lesson was learned, it was also about what a wet shoe feels like.

No rescue.

And it hasn’t happened again (yet).

Peace be with us,

Gayle

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Language Processing, Graphemes, Phonemes, Penmanship and Blue Stripes

Some Ideas on Re-Direction and Intrinsic Motivation

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There was a time when I didn’t have dyslexia on my radar.

Those days are gone.

John does have language processing challenges.

So, with all that I have learned recently,

there are some things we can do to squeeze in yet another intervention.

With the advice of Neuhaus-trained professionals, I took two on-line courses in Scientific Spelling.

And we are doing the best version now at home daily.

It goes on The List.

We built the habit over the school break and on weekends, so John doesn’t try much any more to re-negotiate.

We are also concentrating on getting p’s, d’s, b’s and q’s looking the right way.

Even sent in all his pages to school, to keep John’s school team in the loop.

Qu (kw) has been a special challenge so we repeated that day.

Time for instruction is a precious thing.

If a child receives a pull-out for specialized instruction/intervention at school, they miss something else.

John has spent years “missing something else” while the rest of the pack moved on.

Trying to find balance in this continues to keep our days efficient.

We use The List daily.

We use “earn it” daily.

I couldn’t tell you how many times I have said, “How’s the list coming?”

to genius, conniving, relentless attempts at re-negotiation.

Another thing out of my mouth constantly is “I hope you earn it”.

That works in many circumstances.

Like when John decides to make bad choices when Ms. Rosemary (QRI, OT, Nutritional Balancing) and Ms. Melanie (piano) come to the house.

Eventually, his precious taekwondo blue stripe ends up on the door jamb, to be earned back with Ms. Rosemary,

and his favorite movie videos are to be earned back with Ms. Melanie.

I have to deal with my shame when he makes those kinds of choices,

and yet we build interventions for intrinsic motivation and who has the power.

May some of these ideas help in your world.

Peace  be with us,

Gayle

 

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The Joy of Sensory Integration Therapy in the Cold and Dark

The Unexpected Things a Kid Will Do Because of Other Kids

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Athletics and other kids are very power motivators in John’s life.

It was the end of a long first day back to school in January.

Also the first night with his new Boy Scouts shirt.

Tonight:  Physical Fitness.

We (the 2 dad leaders, all the boys and myself) walked through the darkening cold to the nearby high school track.

Time for laps.

John joined in the pack, and off they went.

Some of the time, I could track him by the red flashing lights in his shoes.

Sometimes he was close to a running buddy.

Sometimes not.

Really too dark to tell.

After 3 laps, he comes off the track and heads over to the bleachers

where the other boys are gathering.

He should have done 4 laps, but I didn’t interfere.

Not too many days before, he was sick.

And his 3 laps coincided with the other kids doing 4 laps.

He talked about that experience and victory until he went to bed.

Who would have predicted his great joy in running in the dark cold

with his Scout buddies?

The next night, taekwondo class went out into the cold dark for a jong bong seminar.

Too many kids twirling long poles for inside the studio.

Forty-tive minutes of mid-line crossover, proprioceptive and vestibular movement-based learning.

Therapy that no one would call therapy (or boring).

So we never pass up an opportunity to stretch our kids.

Stretch them past the cold, the dark, the fear, the social isolation.

Bring them into the joyful camaraderie with other kids who are also learning.

Hope this helps in your world, to try new ideas that offer themselves.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

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The Value of The List

On Paper. Otherwise, Too Many Words

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May I suggest to you the invaluable piece of paper.

And a pencil.

“Low Tech, High Touch” (for all you John Naisbett fans out there).

Saturday mornings we still and always have learning modules.

We call this his “list”.

When there is push-back on too many words,

a noble yet humble piece of paper saves the day.

Consistency, meeting expectations, and the structure of building good habits for the rest of his life.

As we put the teachable moments into improving neural pathways in his working memory, executive function & language processing.

Sure, he hollers about it.

That’s when I walk away and let the list speak for itself.

No negotiation, re-negotiation or bargaining.

Just another day’s work of building neural pathways in the right directions.

That doesn’t change just because it is the weekend or a school holiday break.

We have added Fast ForWord and Scientific Spelling.

Because we need to.

We have worked on academics all but two days this holiday, working through “sick”.

And if there is too much push-back from John,

we write on his list, “OR you can do Mom’s list”.

Nothing is more boring than Mom’s list.

It’s a total buzz-kill to John.

Fastest thing I have found to help him with good choices.

So maybe this helps in your world.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

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Hustle, Buddy

Building Urgency into Your Child's Day

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“Going to be late for Choir!”

“Going to miss the bus!”

Most mornings, either of these sentences puts John into gear.

He tells me he is “not going to be the last kid going to Choir”!

And he has seen other kids have to run to make the school bus in the morning.

But some mornings, he still goofs around.

So, I have learned that we start sooner.

No snooze alarms for us.

I have asked John if he was choosing to be the last kid into Choir?

When he continued to stall, I have said, “When you are done eating breakfast, you can put your food in the fridge.”

“I will meet you in the car.”

(John does his best work when I am gone.)

“You lock the door.”

(We have been backward-chaining the whole door/key process, and

John can come and go through the door as he decides.)

So, the sentences get said that he is choosing to be hungry, to waste his time, to be late.

I don’t rub it in or nag (nagging does NO good at our house).

But I do declare those facts in a calm Mom voice.

This morning, we had a version of  “We’ll just have to wait until you are ready”.

I carried his vitamins and his toothbrush to the car.

During the drive to early Choir drop-off, I pulled onto a side street.

He immediately asked me what I am doing.

He’s very aware of location.

We just sat there until he took his vitamins (which he stalls on every day).

We talked about “hard way” and “easy way”.

He decided very quickly to do what he should have done at home.

Because he didn’t want to be the last kid to walk into Choir.

Because he knew he wasn’t going to get away with stalling and avoidance.

Because he didn’t want to be the last kid into Choir.

I offer these ideas to hopefully help in your daily routines.

Whatever our kids are intrinsically motivated by,

use that to help them learn habits and routines that will become muscle memory and be useful their entire lives.

He must feel the natural, unintended consequences of his choices,

and know he is choosing.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

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Kids Learn To Drive Sooner Than You Think

They Are Also Learning While They Are Riding

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Recently, I ran some very-yellow lights.

John called me on it.

He was aware I had cheated.

“Mom, you made a bad choice!” was what I heard.

“Red means stop!  Do not go!”

It was quite a little sermonette.

And he was right.

No wrecks, no tickets, lucky me.

These days, I continue to discuss Rules of the Road with John as we drive.

I make him look out the window.

He can also read, if he prefers.

But no electronics.

He can wear his listening therapy headphones, but that’s as close to electricity as we get.

I see him watching everything out the window, which prompts sentences.

We play “read the sign” games.

Or my favorite, “Tell Mom when the light turns green” game.

Just in case my head isn’t in the game at that particular intersection, waiting.

And we talk about lights, directions, who gets to go next and other drivers.

“Chargers” was what my teenager taking drivers ed used to call them.

Drivers to be watchful for.

And the “point of no return” as the stoplight goes from “stale” green to yellow to

“ohhhh,  !*#%@*&!”

As John has gotten bigger, he can now legally sit up front with me, which I like much better.

Easier to chat that way.

Yes, a few more risks, with him in the front seat.

The rewards outweigh the risks, in my analysis.

Because sometimes I slip into my head too much, and ignore the young learner in the back seat.

Let us continue to always chat with our less-verbal kids.

Their brains are very aware.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

 

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Value of Music. Choir for the Previously Non-Verbal.

Therapy is Where You Make It.

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We have talked before about piano dexterity and piano games.

We also added percussion over the summer.

Ms. Melanie, our music teacher, devised unique ways to teach John proper form:

where to stand (duct tape on the floor),

where to put the drum stand (more duct tape),

how to hold the drum sticks (tape again, for fingers 1 & 2),

where to position the “piece of pizza” (basket & the little red hearts for Left & Right),

and

counting out the beats with and without a metronome.

She even made the little

stand-up cards of music.

Percussion doesn’t use the grand staff, but does count notes and rests.

All this is in

preparation for trying out for band.

What about singing?

John now shows up twice a week, before school, for Mixed Choir.

An adventure for someone with lagging expressive language.

For many years, John didn’t have out-loud sentences.

Now we do, and yet still lagging (so far, so far) behind, compared to his neuro-typical peers.

So, quite humorous that John is showing up for choir at school now.

I drive through, he jumps out of the car, and is off on his own,

following the flow of peers to the Choir Room, 7:45am.

Autonomous.

Then he gets to (the right) class on time for morning announcements.

This Choir idea started last year when I heard John singing Christmas songs with his buddies at the restaurant table.

So, at the next opportunity, a new intervention for expressive speech:  Choir.

I have paid $15 for a shirt.

$15 for a year?

Do you know how much speech interventions cost?

The bargain of the century!

Moving on to another intervention that is “free”, but will be harder than you think:

Patience.

Always talking about patience, aren’t we?

The patience to just watch, when our kids are having a manipulative hissy-fit?

Randomly frequent.

And with a quick grin on his face.

(He’s just checking my boundaries, and if I still love him enough to hold them.)

So that you don’t think this happens only at your house,

the first response out of John’s mouth to anything is usually “NO!”

(That’s the pervasive developmental delays talking.)

My job at that moment is to have no response.  No increase in blood pressure.  No re-negotiation.

Maybe this gives you some ideas for music for your child.

It’s OK we have tape all over the floor.

It is there for the “moving from Middle C to E” game.

You can see the feet move from tape to tape.

Anything for teachable moments.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

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Magic: Because Other Kids Do It

Intrinsic Motivation Because of Neuro-Typical Peers

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Do your neuro-diverse children (let’s call them “learning differences”) pay attention to other children?

Far more than they pay attention to you as parents?

So, here is what we did for academics during the recent Hurricane Harvey school hiatus:

Photos of academic and social-emotional learning for John.

It’s magic.  Peer pressure, from the inside out.

If I had tried to get him to do this…….oh, we would have had such push-back.

Just add a few peer models, and everything changes.

Miraculous teaching moments!

Nothing gets John’s attention like another kid.

So, I use that.  Shamelessly.

Cutting his own food in the restaurant:  His happy face here because his buddies were doing it also.

First mom-free monetary transaction.

May I suggest you build your child’s village?

There are so many pro-active ways.

With huge payout.

Peace be with us.

Gayle

 

 

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Too Late! Opportunity Gone!

Regret, But Still an Opportunity to Learn

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Recently, John had a chance to say hello to Jack, one of his friends.

But he was too scared (may I say “sensory averse”?) to walk over.

So Jack and his family left before John could get to their table.

John trailed after them toward the restaurant front entrance.

But never connected face-to-face.

So, trying from 30 feet away.

Too far.

We made it a teachable moment.

I became Jack, and we role-played at an outside table.

We laughed a lot, and had a good time practicing.

So, whenever a missed opportunity presents itself,

he has even more prior knowledge on what to do faster.

We re-defined what “missed” means.

Try again.

We are forever trying again.  Rehearsing for the next time, to get it right.

Maybe this can help in your world.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

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“Stand Like a Leader”

An X-Rays Strategy

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John had to get some x-rays today.

Many of them.

Lots of “standing still”, “put your hands here”, “put your chin here”, “don’t breathe”, and “don’t move!”

Memories of your last mammogram experience?

Anyway, he decided to translate it all into the taekwondo playbook:

“Stand like a leader”

His face got all puckered up.  He stood at rigid attention.

Utter concentration.

It is glorious how dearly John treasures his time being ordered around by black-belts.

He did just great with the x-rays, generalizing the taekwondo mindset into the doctor world.

We also use piano concepts in taekwondo.

In fact, we cross-pollinate at every possible opportunity.

Maybe this can help in your world?

Peace be with us,

Gayle

 

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Wet…..The Power of Unintended Consequences

No Matter Where You Encounter Them

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We were (trying to) eat breakfast at the local diner.

With Math Tiles and several books.

John didn’t want academics.  He wanted to play with my phone.

So he was pretty close to being mad.

The large cup of water had no lid.

And John whacked it, not paying attention.

And, unintended natural consequences, most everything on our table was no longer dry.

I didn’t say a thing, keeping my mom mouth shut.

He already knew everything I would have said.

He immediately calmed down, said, “it got all wet”.

He got to carry it out all by himself.

A big, soppy pile.

He got to carry it all back inside the house, flatten it out and do his best to dry the Math Tile cards.

I hope he remembers consequences.

Maybe this can help at your home.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

 

 

 

 

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Chores – Because I Choose To

Self Esteem Can Be Intrinsically Motivated

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Some days you get to see a miracle when you least expect it.

It was a rough getting-ready-for-school morning.

With no tampering from Mom, in the spark of a moment of intrinsic decision making,

John scampered over to the partially-opened dishwasher and started doing his chores.

The clean silverware matched into the cutlery drawer.

(That drawer is a mess of plastic and metal, and we do our best to keep it organized.

John has been trained to “match” stuff, to put the spoons with the spoons, etc.)

I knew enough to keep my big fat mom mouth shut.  I just stood there watching.

John very soon looked up at me with the biggest grin on his face.

He was proud of his actions, proud he had thought of it.

NOT because Mom had nagged or prompted.

This is the magic, secret sauce of what we seek for our young people,

that they make the best decisions they can because they choose to.

So please, dear fellow parents, keep giving them boundaries.

And you MUST hold those boundaries, without war.

I smile, zip it, and turn my attention somewhere (anywhere) else when he attempts re-negotiation.

Absolutely sure this can work in your home.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

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Power Struggles

So I Tried Tickling

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Lately, John has been testing my boundaries.

Big surprise there, huh?

I have tried a river of maneuvers to get him moving forward once he’s decided he doesn’t want to.

Specifically, this morning, he decided it was far more fun to stay in bed than get up.

What could I try that didn’t involve mad, sad, or brute strength?

So I tickled him!

He said to stop it.  I said to get up.

It went in circles for a moment or so.

And it worked.

It is not an intrinsic motivator.

It is extrinsic, coming from the outside.

From a mom up against the clock who couldn’t find a better tool in the moment.

So when time is running out

(seems to be every school morning as we try to get out of the house),

maybe this can help in your home.

It is not a tool for forever.

But it did work.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

 

(Thank you, PowerPoint Library, for the clip art)

 

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Cursive (Want To Try It?)

Winging It

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I don’t think John has ever practiced cursive writing.

Oh dear God, we struggle enough with printing.

Until one day, John just decided to try this (instead of printing), with no prompting by Mom.

He said, “It says John’s List”.

Oh, you should have seen his face!

Surely many days of (monotonous) practice are ahead of us.

But for today, John has chosen to try cursive, heading up his loved/hated “list” we make daily.

Also (second photo), it doesn’t look like much, but here is something John lostCursive

(by making poor choices in school and at piano lessons).

By the time he got to “DropBox”, he smiled a huge one and said, “Box is in cursive”.

Because he wanted to.

What do our kids all want to do?

I suggest we use that desire shamelessly!

We may start out with extrinsic motivation.

(Extrinsic = coming from someone else.  Intrinsic = coming from inside the child.)Cursive1

Whatever you do with your child, let them take the lead.

And always look for the ways to make it their idea.

Before you know it, you both could  be up to your neck in intrinsic motivation and self-directed learning.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

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“What Are You Doing?!”

Extrinsic Incentives

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incentive4 incentive3Sometimes removing something beloved works wonders for John.

This type of motivation is extrinsic, from the outside.

Not as stellar as intrinsic (motivation from within—even when no one is looking).incentive1

So, sadly, when all else fails, when my kind, repeated, verbal requests are ignored,

I pick up the Wii remote and click it.

Off.

Done with requests, threats, words.

When the protests rise:  “What are you doing?!” (said by John with either a smirk or fake indignation),

he then hears, “you can earn it back.  Next time.”

(Something short like that.)

He knows he is manipulating me, and won’t respect me or my words if I fail to give him what he expects.

He now expects me to keep my word.

I have heard moms say, “I love you too much to argue with you.”incentive

Same concept here.

Another top beloved thing John can lose:  the taped-on taekwondo stripes on his belt.

Like the one you see here in the photo that used to be such a stripe.

His instructor, Ms. Coleman, awesome black belt mom that she is, has said if it becomes necessary, then rip it off the belt.

No words of  bargaining or re-negotiation.

Off.

Done.

Gone.

Then, a quick re-direct back to business, whatever that is.

Try this with your kids?   It is utterly golden at our home.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

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Piano Dexterity

Spider Fingers

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2016-11-02-19-30-07

Can your child move his fingers individually?

As in playing one piano key at a time, with hand placement like this photo.

John couldn’t.

So, we have been playing spider fingers.

Trying to get those rigidly straight little non-jointed fingers to realize they can actually bend.

As for motivation, I can just say, “Mom is going to win!”, and try to move in.

John hates that.

Glad he is developing a sense of friendly competition.

So then it’s time to advance to both hands.

One silent, listening.

The other hand doing the talking.

One note at a time.

You see here Ms. Melanie, Music on the Go, providing wrist support.

Then the support fades.

We practice quiet body, quiet hands.

The proper walk-up-and-sit-down approach,

the proper positions of everything,

the proper patience and self restraint.

Secret weapon:  Someone says, “Mom is going to win!”

and then I take over the keyboard.

Oh, John hates that, with a happy face.

Five minutes a day practice.

We are making progress.

Perhaps your child can learn the keys and play music with fading supports.

The prettiest noises you will be hearing.

So, try this at your house?

Peace be with us,

Gayle

 

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Natural Consequences—Not Mom’s Agenda

Packing His Own Suitcase

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I re-learn every day that I can’t make anyone do anything they aren’t motivated to do.

Never mind whatever vision of success I had in mind for them.

If they want something, they will make the effort.

Or they won’t.2016-11-02-18-29-09

I can help provide the opportunity to earn that feeling of accomplishment.

And then, they have to do for themselves.

His effort must come before his success.

Or he won’t respect his success and accomplishment.

It won’t be dear to him.

So, I asked John what did he want……

……in his suitcase?

(You realize any activity could be inserted here, right?)

I flopped the suitcase open on the floor, and asked him to put in the stuff he wanted.

He gets to haul that suitcase on, off, in and out when he travels.

The suitcase is just a silly example of a powerful concept:

A huge component of John’s successful launch into independence will be when he feels the natural consequences of each decision.

Tough love.

So very hard for parents who love so dearly.

John gains nothing when I hand everything to him.

I would then be robbing him of any reason to do anything.

So try this with your child, and you may see a great pride in accomplishment.

When he is ready to try.

Or it won’t happen yet.

And I must wait until he is ready to try.

It can’t be my agenda.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

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“I’m Gonna Win!”

A Little Friendly Competition Really Works

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2016-11-10-19-50-06Getting out of the house on time on school mornings has recently become so very much easier.

Because John wants to win.

I just yell, “I’m gonna win!”, and walk out the door to the car.

Keep in mind, this is a DEFCON-5 intervention.

For those mornings when nothing else works, and Mom is about to make a bad choice.

I get my stuff into the car, sit and calm down.

So far, depending on the morning, I have backed up, driven around the circle cul de sac, and (even) pulled back up into the driveway.

I watch to see him running toward me, some form of emotion on his face.

(Only the second time was sad and worried.  The first time, he didn’t believe me.   Now it has evolved into a laughing game, so not sure who is out-smarting who….)

I say something like, “where were you?”, “oh, I missed you!”, and “I forgot you!”.

With either a sad or happy face.

And please remember:  we had to work up to this level of freedom.gonna-win

When we are (finally) ready, I get out of the car and lock the front door.

And we are gone.

Next thing is to teach him how to close and lock the front door.

I use this process of “I’m gonna win!”  also with piano lessons and any other time my pile of re-directs fail to get “fast” going.

Another thing:  we practice “fast”.   A lot.  Sometimes successfully.

Perhaps this can work at your home?

Peace be with us,

Gayle

 

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When Birthday Presents Are Too Much

Stretching Kid Engagement

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birthday-presents So, we made it through John’s 10th birthday party.

First time in his life that he wanted to blow out the candles at the party.

We had 27+ children at our local Main Event for bowling, pizza, cookie cake and arcade madness.

And then there was the pile of gifts.

One month later, these gifts are still sitting on the table, yet to be opened.

So, I could put them still unopened under the Christmas tree, like previous years.

Or we could have a post-party party.

Have the kids over to the house, to help John open and then play with whatever is there.

So we did.

And the funny thing is, the kids had so much fun in the front yard, the back yard, upstairs, downstairs, swimming and eatingbirthday-presents1

that nobody wanted to stop what they were engaged with, to open his presents.

So, maybe this idea may work for your gift-resistant child.

Invite everyone back for further-connection play.

Maybe the gifts will still end up under the tree.

(Epilogue:  it took a second post-party party to finally get them all opened.   Fun, no matter how you look at it.)

Peace be with us,

Gayle

 

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Sacred Things: Blue Stripe and Ralphie

"I Hope You Earn It"

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Blue StripeJohn has two sacred things these days.

The first is the blue stripe on the taekwondo belt he earns by great behavior choices.

The blue stripe that is lost (ripped off like a bandaid by Mom) for poor behavior choices.

There are other colors of stripes earned, but blue is very special.

Here is the corpse of such a blue stripe, no longer on John’s belt.

It is an intervention of last resort, and hard to earn back.

The second sacred thing is a movie (A Christmas Story),

but he sort of socially stims on the “Daddy is going to kill Ralphie” part, blurting it out in public out of context.

After too many warnings, I hid the movie.

Months later, I found it and brought it out of time-out.

2016-07-18 21.48.48

Eyes of a hawk, John spotted it like the opiate it is, and begged for the movie again.

I said OK, after his list was done.

And then, suddenly, it was past bedtime on a school night.

I said, “turn it off now or I will hide it again.”

Wow.  It worked.

My favorite re-direct when John is nagging (perseverating) about something he wants:

I say, “Earn it”.

Short and sweet works quite well under this roof.

Maybe something here may help you.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

 

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Restaurant Circus Tricks and The Napkin Dance

My Kid Had Me Over A Barrel And It Wasn't Pretty

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Napkin Dance5 Napkin Dance One vacation morning this summer, John whipped out his worst restaurant manners in a long time.

I re-directed him (using the least prompting I could muster) to Napkin Dance 2order his own food, ask for his own straw, help with check-out procedures, and to curtail the rowdy napkin tricks.

(Later I asked him to re-create the napkin dance for you, and here’s three photos of what we got.)

How hard can it be to just stick a napkin under a leg until you need it?  And why does it always include the topic of wieners?

We opted for a big-boy flat plate, not the bowl that is easier to corral the food.

He got up and ran around with the dang napkin, doing what I called the napkin dance.

And finally, at the end of our “performance”,  he had the natural consequence of sitting quietly for four whole minutes, earning the right to ask to be excused.

He did it.   So now I know he can do it again.Computer Time3

Peace be with us,

Gayle