ReDirect for Self-Starting without Nagging

Here’s something to try with our young digital addicts. It really works at this house.

John has a daily list of stuff to do before he gets to goof off (electronically, most likely). Some of these daily tasks have minutes, so the phone timer is our daily companion for self-regulation.

I wish he was as good at analog time-telling as he is at digital time. We really struggle with the long hand and the short hand, sadly. He is also using the phone calendar function to keep himself on track, but I digress.

So, for example, reading is 15 minutes. He sets his own timer, to learn to be ever-more independent, his own executive function.

We spend a lot of time together in the car, doing his list. He will interrupt himself reading (aloud or silently) to lay a big sales pitch or renegotiation on Mom.

I have learned to use a variety of facial micro-expressions, all a part of his social-emotional learning (SEL). I have also learned to use the fewest number of words, because ….. well ….. words beget more words. Since I want him to refocus on his reading (in this example), I will ask “pause?” He doesn’t want pause because he has learned that stops the clock.

When this works the best, he will immediately say “resume”, and get back to his task. You see, I didn’t say “quit talking and get to work” (or anything similar). I used one word to ask him a time question.

He really wants that list done.

We take a lot of old-fashioned learning in the car when we drive. We have hardcopy of his band percussion assignments, drumsticks, some dog-eared Harry Potter paperbacks (pages dropping out by the day), and the device he uses for IXL, our on-going academic supplement. (Check it out, it might work for you. You choose the grade, the subject to study, you get analytics to share back to the school district, and it costs about $10/month.)

So, tools are ever at hand. Mom just asks “Pause?”, he says “Resume!”, and starts himself back on task.

I will admit this does loop a lot.

He may want “to talk”, and that is his choice, resulting in a Pause we can both live with. With the phone timer the bad guy, I try to make all this not my job. If he “wants to waste your evening, that’s OK with me”.

I do have to be mindful to disconnect my list from his list. If I fail in this, I get frustrated.

We work on time awareness constantly. We know early intervention is hugely important.

And yet, each day ticks by, toward adult “independence”, whatever that will look like.

That keeps us worried.

Peace be with us,

Gayle