Monthly Archives: February 2019

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Co-Parent Well (Enough) Within Learning Differences

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I have been trained not to let John get away with anything.

Trained to create, communicate and hold firm, loving boundaries.

With great humor (as often as I can remember to step away before I lose my sense of humor).

Sometimes, when he is with his dad, those boundaries smudge a little.

Or a lot.

So, Dad and Mom (or whoever is helping to co-parent) have to share our mutual rules and expectations when everyone is in a calm, teachable state.

Especially if our parenting styles clash.

Before John the Clever Manipulator gets a bright idea to widen that space between Dad and Mom.

(As I have said before, be glad your child is trying to manipulate you. Manipulation is a cognitive, thinking function.

They just don’t get to get away with it.

We have co-parented oppositely for a long time.

But we know we have to set our differences aside, to make the best of it, for John’s benefit.

So it’s a good thing that people are surprised to learn that we have been divorced for years.

I have learned as a recovering co-dependent what not to do.

I read this book over and over.

It mostly involves zipping it,

walking away when it isn’t my time to co-parent,

and being grateful (silently, inside my head) when John tries to work the system.

As the old song goes, “you got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away.”

Peace be with us,

Gayle


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When Our Children Step Forward, We Step Back

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Do you recognize this in your child?

It was a school field trip, and someone needed to take charge of the Bus sign.

One neuro-typical child had the sign, but realized it was the wrong bus for her.

My friend Edith, the adult in charge, had to move to a further bus, and needed a sign holder.

She asked for a volunteer.

Believe it or not, the kid that stepped forward was this little guy.

And then this friend (she is quite the mentor) stepped up along with him, in support.

And thus John was in charge, and it all seemed to end OK.

Flash forward a month or two.

John was on the couch, under a blanket, still in his jammies.

Mom had been saying it was time for school for many minutes.

It was getting close to being the last kid to Choir.

I asked if he wanted any help.

More than once, I am reluctant to admit.  (So that means I was nagging!)

Each answer was the same, “No.  By myself.”

I finally said, “I hope you aren’t the last kid to Choir.  I will wait for you in the car.”

And I walked out.

It was about 10 minutes later, when he was locking the front door on the way out.

A face full of smile, shiny eyes.

His shirt was upside down, and pants and socks needed a few adjustments.

Other than that, it all looked pretty much good enough.

(And, months later, this system still works.  The sooner I step out, the more time he has to get his plan together and take action.  He doesn’t need me telling him the same thing over and over.)

Peace be with us and Happy Valentines Day!

Gayle