It is important to build and then hold the boundaries that were created when everyone was calm.

Even when frustrated, I try to minimize sarcasm as I say “please”.

And I tell him he has to do better.

I am trying to keep his choices intrinsic, coming from how he feels about himself.

And if I make a bad choice (lose my temper, for example), I apologize to John as quickly as possible, sincerely.

There can be only one set of rules.

And my walk better match my talk.

Always a good thing when I can remember to use humor.

I am modeling a moral compass, my urgent need for him to learn right versus wrong.

I let John think he wins by offering choices I’m happy with (no matter which one he picks).

And we work on social skills everywhere we go.

We still use a paper list daily.

Some days it can take forever to get The List done

And, The List goes with us. Wherever we go.

And we have to make the most of each day’s learning opportunities and joys.

How do I teach my kids that they are in charge of their happiness?

Only if I model that.

Recently, we went to the pediatrician. He decided to make several bad choices there.

He got to apologize to the receptionist for crawling across her floor.

And, as we waited, because he knew I can get embarrassed at all those developmental delay noises.

I was trying to get through his homework while we waited.

But, that was my agenda.

Not his.

And he was purposefully testing social and behavior boundaries we have built.

Lots of little irritating things: Noises, behaviors, playing with a pile of their magazines.

Eventually, I used up my patience and my redirects.

Then I heard my mom voice resort to

“Do you want to tell Mr. Brooks that you lost your blue stripe?”……

John’s face lost his little smirk.

We just slipped from intrinsic to extrinsic motivation. I had introduced fear, not self-esteem.

So it was a morning of many Try Again’s for us both.

I have to let him feel like it’s win win (Strong Willed Child, again).

And it is a good thing he’s actually picking up magazines to look at them.

Trying to count the blessings when I can, regardless of my temporary embarrassment.

We talk so very often about Easy Way versus Hard Way.

Peace be with us,

Gayle