Today John wasn’t happy with my forcing him to watch a new movie.

How horrible could watching Ice Age for the first time be?

(Maybe your child is afraid of new movies?)

Anyway, he wanted to swim and I made him watch for 30 minutes to earn swimming.

He wasn’t happy about this, and made a really poor choice, in rebellion.

So I created a new intervention, rather than using an existing one,

(like peeling off a Taekwondo stripe).

Very precious thing, that stripe.

Rather, I made him sit in my lap watching the movie for another 30 minutes.

Yes, it did make me sit down (not so bad, right?)

And we watched a new movie, and I made him cuddle with me.

I even set the timer.

Mean old mom.

Maybe this might work at your home, for all kinds of reasons.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

My son has a daily list of things he must do.

Then he earns electronics.

Sometimes John stalls in magnificent ways.

I continue to learn new ways to remove myself emotionally from his poor choices.

I use these words, “John, you are miserable right now because you are stalling.”

Of course, electronics is at the bottom of his list.

And now, the basketballs are up in the window.

For anyone who has been in our house, it is a kid house.

A therapy house.

Everything bounces, wiggles, rolls, moves.

Balls are frequently in the air, or about to hit what would be a forbidden surface in a “normal” home.

But now, the balls are on the list, and up on the high ledge.

And Mom has to hold her ground.

Maybe this work in your home?

Peace be with us,

Gayle

Yikes! This morning I promised myself to start earlier on everything:  getting up, getting out the door, going to bed, anything with a clock on it.

I am holding my ground on No Electronics Until The List is Done. 

The List is made each day, at John’s request, and works more profoundly on paper than in the air.

Duh.

I do doing pretty good on No Re-Negotiating, and give myself a C+ on Just Say It Once.

And, this oxygen mask process:  “You First, Then Your Child” also works with Peace, Joy, Time-Outs, Walking Away, No More Nagging, on and on.

I must put this mask of Calm on me FIRST.   Then on my child.

The other way round doesn’t serve my joy or helps me make good decisions on how much I let the stress of each event pile up on me.

Peace to us all,

Gayle

P.S.  Clip Art courtesy of PowerPoint Library

Up high on the shelf.  That’s where.

And all the electronics are unplugged.

Because John is testing Mom, to see if he can get away with something.

You see, everything was going smoothly, according to (Mom’s) schedule this morning, on target for getting to Sunday school on time.

But then, unexpectedly (although anything is expected, so nothing should be unexpected, right?), John started making bad choices.

So the remotes are up very high, everything opiate is unplugged, and John has learned cheating doesn’t pay when using my phone timer for reading minutes.

Also, he needs to eat his breakfast.

The more I hover, the worse his decisions.

So I left the area, and got myself ready.

After a short time, John tracked me down to tell me good news.

He wanted his remotes back, also.

At my house, sometimes when the audience leaves, the best stuff happens.

Maybe this might work in your world.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

It is a football.  

A kid playing with a football, in the dark, trying to throw it, catch it, kick it.

No big deal, right?

But remember that some kids don’t learn how to play with toys at the right age.

And parents of those kids keep buying toys, hoping that the next toy will be the one that makes play “normal”.

So, for all us parents who dread toys, birthday parties, unwrapping gifts, and childhood play in general,

please be encouraged to keep giving your child the opportunities to grow into them.

Let them see other kids play with stuff.   That is how John learns—–by watching other kids.

This photo isn’t remarkable to most parents.

But to some of us, it is a hope for tomorrow’s toys.

In the park in the dark.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

John made a string of decisions that broke Mom’s heart.

The natural consequences of these decisions conjured up Uncertainty of the future.

From Uncertainty, Fear set in.

From Fear to Anger. (Mom got mad on the inside and the outside.)

Then Remorse set in, and we (son & mom) talked about how we were both going to make better choices next time.

By the time dear Rosemary Slade, OTR, arrived, I was still neck-high in Remorse and Sadness.

By the time we had transferred wisdom from Rosie to Gayle, Peace and Joy were trickling back in.

Key points to share with you (in case it helps you):

1.  If he doesn’t want to yet, he won’t.  (Mom, remember intrinsic motivation?)
2. If it weren’t this thing, it would be that thing.  There will always be something else.
3. He is going to go through childhood. So let him.
4. Hold your boundaries, Mom.  Hold your ground.  With Peace.

(Mom, you are moving too fast through today!)

Maybe this can help you with your daily path toward joy.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

Every opportunity to cause movement, mid-line crossover, off-balance anything, is worthy.

So, never a chair if I can avoid it.

Always something that wiggles, rolls, moves, slides around.

I always try to position his body and his stuff so that he has to reach across to the other side.

So, if you have one of these kind of balls, let your child sit on it.

Point legs the opposite way, put cups on the wrong side.

Try this at your house every day.

Also, this balance board is nifty, and we use it for playing Wii and anything else that is just standing.

These balance-building interventions are working in my world.

I hope it will work for your child.

The science is there.

Peace be with us,

Gayle

John made a decision I didn’t want.  Over and over.

Mom uses humor initially, but eventually my laughing becomes anger.

Then yelling happens.

(On one hand, having a verbal jousting with a child learning how to use expressive language is a great achievement, even adventure.)

But yelling isn’t a good empowerment, right?

Then we cool down, I apologize to John (and vice versa).  We then talk about what went wrong.

And we come up with a plan on what to do and not to do next time.

This happens twice in 14 hours.

So, when the third opportunity to yell arrives, Mom remembers the new plan.

Much better!

Later, I was watching Eckhart Tolle, and found his conversation on anger.

Hope this helps you as it has helped me re-find my joy.  Check out what he says at 9:25.

Peace be with us.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqX5IFKYFWk

John has been learning that cheating is not OK.

He used to think it was really funny when he grabbed the white board and wiped the list clean.

Then he found out we would just write the list (of stuff to do) on paper instead.

With a penalty—more of whatever he was trying to avoid.

And no electronics until the list was done.

And I tell him, “John, you are miserable right now because YOU are making bad choices.”

I know he understands.

I just have to keep my ego out of his rebellion.

I hope this helps in your home.

Peace to us,

Gayle

Today, so far, John has decided to make a string of personal decisions that brings me to my knees.

Then (with the help of the angels), I decided to look at it all a different way.

What if he is once again testing whether I love him enough to hold my ground?

Believe in him enough to remain emotionally calm but consistent in our rules together?

So I tell him I am very sad he is wasting his time.

And that he can earn back his ________ (not sure what your word is—-for John, the word is electronics) when his list is done.

(We had already made this list together, and he had read it out-loud.)

He wants privacy, so he moves to the stairway.

OK with me.

I am busy enough doing my part—emotionally calm, consistent, as full of hope and joy as possible.

Maybe this can encourage you, so that you know you aren’t alone.

Peace be with us,

Gayle